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Personal Quiz: Mirror Universe Reed

Mirror MACO

Mirror Malcolm, without beard and eyepatch :( CURRICULUM VITAE

Lineage ID? Reed out of Reed Fourth, 1J

Current name? Malcolm Theiss Reed

Aliases? The Kommandant

Rank? Major

Current primary enemy? The enemy of the Empire is my enemy.

Current secondary enemy? I don't hold any personal grudges.

Number of years you've survived? 34

Number of battles won? 547 as of that scuffle in the Mess Hall this morning.

Pets? Betsy is my favorite rifle.

Height? 1.68m

Eye color? Steel

Hair color? Dark brown

Piercings? I've been knifed a few times, but I took no permanent damage.

Tattoos? The MACO logo on my shoulder, beneath the one on my uniform.

Scars? Badges of honor, every one. I'd tell you the story of each, but we'd be here several days.

Any major body parts missing or supplemented with a prosthetic? The lower part of my left lung was replaced, and I have a few...enhancements in my arms.

How much do you love the Empire? Potius mori quam foedar!

Current ship? Defiant

How many people did you have remove to get there? The Tholians took care of that for me.

Next ship? Whatever defeats Defiant.


Very tight pants or miniskirts? Pants. More protection for the legs.

Leather, Kevlar, or armor? Armor planetside, Kevlar on the ship, leather off-duty.

Whisky or ale? I don't consume alcohol -- I need to remain clear-headed at all times.

Rare wines and exotic delicacies captured from passing vessels in the name of the Empire, or haunch of targ with rotgut from the still in Engineering? If I've helped to seize the ship, I've certainly earned the right to rummage through its stores for a few items.

Coffee or Jolt? Coffee

Food or sex? Food is merely fuel, but sex can be pleasure, pain, a means of control...

Do you enjoy devising your own interrogations or do you savor watching someone else do the tough extractions? I am the one who does the tough extractions. And the sensitive ones. And the ones purely for fun.

Knife blade: serrated, hook, or poisoned? Hook. Clean in, clean out, quick death. Poison is for cowards.

Gold or silver? Silver. Gold is a very soft metal, rather weak.

Bridges or tunnels? I would never go into a tunnel without sufficient explosives to blast my way out again if need be.

Growl, shout, or hiss? hiss

Coliseum or torture chamber? Agony booth. My newest creation. I'll have to rebuild it, since it was lost with Enterprise, but Phlox and I had some new ideas I wanted to incorporate anyway.

Vulcans: mostly useful minions or servants who are too intelligent for their own good? I've never found one to be "useful" in my line of work. But intelligence isn't necessarily a bad thing. Stupid servants can't get anything done without supervision, which is a waste of time.

Ion storms: Cool or scary? Irrelevant as long as Mister Blister keeps us in one piece.

Vlad the Impaler or Niccoló Machiavelli? Vlad may be more feared, but Machiavelli had more impact and can still be learned from.

Lucrezia Borgia or Countess Bathory? Countess Bathory. Borgia was a toy in the hands of her family.

Colonel Green or Khan? Green. Khan let his ego override his tactics.

Sauron or Voldemort? Sauron had much more power, despite his obvious Achilles heel (so to speak).

Beatles or Stones? Beatles.

Daggers or swords? Yes.

Mac, PC, or Unix? The official Imperial platform is Windows.


Pizza topping? steak tartare

Dessert? A piece of fruit usually suffices, such as pineapple.

Energy weapon? Well, that depends on the tactical situation. Betsy is a good long-range rifle, but phase pistols are better for closer fighting. Plasma cannons are more effective in an atmosphere. Enterprise had a tremendously powerful phase cannon for orbital assaults. (Although its yield was diminished somewhat when the Wrench unhooked it from the warp engine. How did he expect me to do my job without the full amount of power available?)

Training film? I've made several, but I suppose I was most pleased with Arcana imperii. I understand they restructured large sections of the Imperial intelligence-gathering service based on that guidance.

Monitoring device? My own senses. I don't trust electronics; they're too easy to reprogram.

Method of keeping your underlings in line? Whip

Place to be kissed? Drop by my quarters later on this evening and we can discuss it. Don't burden yourself with too much in the way of clothing.

Imperial holiday? Emperor Faustus IV's birthday, for the pyrotechnics display.

Book? The Art Of War, by Sun Tzu

James Bond villain? Goldfinger

Quote? Qui omnes insidias timet in nullas incidit. ("He who fears every ambush falls into none," Pubilius Syrus)

Word or phrase? "We're fully armed and ready for anything."


Least favorite thing? Missing a shot


How many weapons do you carry on your person, approximately? All of them.

How old were you when you committed your first assassination? 19

How many times has someone attempted to assassinate you? in the last week? twice

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Full bird Colonel, in charge of Operations for the quadrant

What do you look for in a partner? A high pain threshold and a fondness for toys.

What did you want to be when you grew up? Emperor. Doesn't everybody?

What characteristics do you despise? Cowardice and timidity

How do you express anger? A good sneer rarely fails to enrage my opponent, which gives me the advantage.

Would you rather die or become a bureaucrat? Die in combat

What was your most satisfying revenge? I don't hold any personal grudges.

Last person you went to dinner with? Pleasure or business? Culminated in sex or death? Sgt. Cole. Business. Sex. Nice arms.

Last crony whom you rewarded for a nasty job well-done? Cpt. Hayes. He took that phaser blast for me completely on his own initiative.

Ever been a "Captain's Woman" or "Captain's Man"? Wrong branch of the service.


Had the drink Calypso Breeze? Do I look like a Captain's Man to you?

Any superstitions? I make note of the charges of my personal weapons before retiring, to be certain no one fires them while I'm asleep.

First thing you think of when you wake up? Another glorious day of serving the Empire! And what kind of jam I'm in the mood for on my morning scone.

What's on your mouse pad? I use a piece of transparent aluminum, so nothing can be secreted beneath it.

What's under your bed? A tripwire connected to a transporter switch. Anyone reaching underneath is immediately beamed into space.

How many people did you have to bribe to get into Imperial service? Only three, since I had a few contacts who owed me favours.

What Academy subject is completely useless? Comparative Sociology

What was the last book you read? Defiant's head of security had several tactical manuals in her quarters, so I'm working through those as quickly as I can. Tactics from the future can only be of assistance to the Empire.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes. I didn't know that until just now. How peculiar. I should work that into our signal set.

Can you roll your tongue? No.

Hobbies? Rebuilding old weapons, collecting alien blades

Should supervillains have capes? only in comic books. In movies they tend to snag on things.

Which single store would you choose to extort tribute from? Any good sushi restaurant

Greatest pet peeve? Uppity non-humans.

Best thing in the world? A perfect cup of Darjeeling oolong tea.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Betsy. She's never disappointed me.

Photo: Star Trek: Enterprise Screencaps