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Personal Quiz: Mirror Universe Tucker

Mirror ENT


Lineage ID? Don't have one. We're mixed blood.

Current name? Charles Tucker III

Aliases? Monkey Wrench

Rank? Commander

Current primary enemy? I try to stay out of the way of people on top. But if I have an opportunity to get to Reed, I'm gonna strap his smirking ass to the core and go to warp.

Current secondary enemy? I can't believe the damn Vulcan used me to sabotage my own engines. That's not right. You don't interfere in a man's job.

Number of years you've survived? 36

Number of battles won? Most of 'em, but I try to keep my head down. Fights attract attention.

Pets? I fed a stray cat for a few years when I was little. I was the only person he didn't run off from. He let me pet him once in a while. I gave him a Viking funeral.

Height? 1.75m

Eye color? The good one's blue. I don't know what color the other one is. Maybe it's glowing by now.

Hair color? Dirty blond, going gray

Piercings? I've managed not to get stabbed by anything so far.

Tattoos? Yes, but I ain't tellin' you what or where

Scars? See this ugly mug? That's why you're supposed to wear protective gear when you work directly on the warp core.

Any major body parts missing or supplemented with a prosthetic? I had an emergency toolkit installed in a sphincter pouch in place of my appendix. I just reach in through my navel and fish out whatever I need. (Beats having a stick up my ass like some people I could name.)

How much do you love the Empire? Amat victoria curam

Current ship? Enterprise. Well, I guess Defiant at the moment.

How many people did you have remove to get there? For Enterprise, four

Next ship? Depends whether they blow Defiant out of orbit.


Very tight pants or miniskirts? can see without really looking, if you know what I mean.

Leather, Kevlar, or armor? Kevlar. Leather's useless and armor's too bulky to do anything in.

Whisky or ale? A good whisky, but I haven't had any in years.

Rare wines and exotic delicacies captured from passing vessels in the name of the Empire, or haunch of targ with rotgut from the still in Engineering? Hey, I make good rotgut!

Coffee or Jolt? Coffee. Don't need the belching.

Food or sex? I think food right now. Hard to get seduced into being brainwashed over a ham sandwich. Even a really good ham sandwich.

Do you enjoy devising your own interrogations or do you savor watching someone else do the tough extractions? I do my own work.

Knife blade: serrated, hook, or poisoned? Poisoned. If you have to use a blade, go for the one with the redundant backup.

Gold or silver? Gold

Bridges or tunnels? Bridges. There are only two ways out of a tunnel -- sometimes one.

Growl, shout, or hiss? growl

Coliseum or torture chamber? Coliseum. I like to see the men and the animals both get a fighting chance.

Vulcans: mostly useful minions or servants who are too intelligent for their own good? {mutters something about "pointy ears" and then declines to answer}

Ion storms: Cool or scary? Scary as hell! Have you ever tried to hold a ship's propulsion system together through an ion storm?

Vlad the Impaler or Niccoló Machiavelli? Machiavelli. Why shed blood when politics works better anyway?

Lucrezia Borgia or Countess Bathory? Lucy was framed.

Colonel Green or Khan? They were both nuts.

Sauron or Voldemort? Voldemort, hands down. In fact, just hands.

Beatles or Stones? Stones!

Daggers or swords? Easier to hide a dagger, but a sword has more reach.

Mac, PC, or Unix? Unix. Windows is just impossible to get anything done in.


Pizza topping? very spicy sausage

Dessert? I had an actual Georgia peach once. I'll never forget it. It was like a mouthful of summer.

Energy weapon? That bigass phase cannon Reed liked to fire at everyone. Well, once I fixed it so it didn't draw directly from my engine.

Training film? They're all boring. I learn by doing stuff.

Monitoring device? I'd better upgrade from what I used on Enterprise, since it didn't stop a certain pointy-eared vixen from getting me to wreck my own systems.

Method of keeping your underlings in line? You can behave, or you can do a week or two of shifts next to the core.

Place to be kissed? The good side of my face. The other half's pretty much numb.

Imperial holiday? World Series Week. Go Marlins!

Book? The Works of Leonardo da Vinci

James Bond villain? Scaramanga (The Man With the Golden Gun)

Quote? "It takes a craftsman to build a barn, but only an ass to kick it down."

Word or phrase? "I'll fix it."

Website? The Leaky Cauldron

Least favorite thing? Knowing that I'm only ever going to get any bedroom action for business reasons.


How many weapons do you carry on your person, approximately? Between three and six

How old were you when you committed your first assassination? 16. It was an honor-killing thing.

How many times has someone attempted to assassinate you? Three. I think Kelby's plotting number four, but I've got it under control.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Maybe if I make some big shot happy, they'll give me a research lab, and I can build a really big engine which doesn't leak any radiation.

What do you look for in a partner? Willingness. And not to make remarks about my face.

What did you want to be when you grew up? When I was little, the Emperor. (Doesn't everybody?) That was before I found out it was much more interesting to fix things. And take them apart. And build other things.

What characteristics do you despise? Making a professional problem personal. Look, everybody lies and manipulates and sometimes to you have knock somebody off to get ahead, but it's just business. Taking out a personal contract on somebody because of work, that's just plain rude.

How do you express anger? Swearing. Things in Engineering don't react well to phaser blasts.

Would you rather die or become a bureaucrat? I'll take the paper-pushing. I can always find a way out eventually.

What was your most satisfying revenge? That honor killing. Nobody, and I mean nobody, puts a hand on my baby sister. I don't care if he was the governor of Florida.

Last person you went to dinner with? Pleasure or business? Culminated in sex or death? Sato. Business -- a thank-you from Forrest. Sex. Didn't know you could do that with edamame.

Last crony whom you rewarded for a nasty job well-done? Hess. She's making Kelby very nervous. When he screws up, I'll have a reason to assign him to the warp core, and that should take care of that problem.

Ever been a "Captain's Woman" or "Captain's Man"? With this face? Are you kidding?


Had the drink Calypso Breeze? I don't like to drink anything I haven't made myself or scanned for safety.

Any superstitions? I try to feed every cat or cat-like thing we come across. It's sort of an "Androcles and the Lion" thing.

First thing you think of when you wake up? Nobody's in the room with me with a weapon pointed at my head? good.

What's on your mouse pad? Starfleet logo

What's under your bed? Never you mind.

How many people did you have to bribe to get into Imperial service? Actually, I was kind of drafted -- the governor had a wife, and...well, that's all water under the bridge now. I had wanted to work on terraforming machinery.

What Academy subject is completely useless? Literary criticism

What was the last book you read? T'Pol was reading me a few pages out of some Vulcan philosophy book. I suppose it wouldn't be a bad idea if it caught on, but I don't give it much of a chance.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Not any more.

Can you roll your tongue? I could when I was little.

Hobbies? I still design a few odds and ends for terraforming. I have a few friends who like to see new ideas.

Should supervillains have capes? yeah! What's a great villain without a great costume?

Which single store would you choose to extort tribute from? Northern Tool Supply Company

Greatest pet peeve? When people don't clean up after themselves. Blood stinks, the stains are a bitch to get out, and it ruins machinery. I don't care if you take out a whole regiment, but hose the damn place down afterward.

Best thing in the world? Getting a cat to trust me enough to eat out of my hand, and maybe sit with me for a bit and purr.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? It sure ain't me.

Photo: Star Trek: Enterprise Screencaps