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Personal Quiz: Malcolm


Name as it appears on your birth certificate? Malcolm Theiss Reed

Current name? See above

Nicknames? Mal (but only Mister Tucker is allowed to call me that); other appellations I received in childhood were more along the lines of epithets than nicknames.

Parents' names? Admiral Stuart Oliver Reed (Ret.), Mary Whitsun Reed

Siblings? Younger sister Madeline Adele Reed

Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? 32

Date that you regularly blow them out? September 2

Pets? I had a Siamese cat, Rasha, when I was in grade school.

Height? 1.68m

Eye color? Grey, although I'm told they change to blue according to my mood. I've never bothered to look in a mirror on such occasions.

Hair color? Dark brown

Piercings? None

Tattoos? None

How much do you love your job? It's an astonishing, humbling, exhilarating, terrifying joy and responsibility. I don't suppose I could be more of two minds about it, could I?

Birthplace? Winston Churchill Memorial Hospital, Leeds

Hometown? Hard to answer, since we moved about so much. I suppose Enterprise is my home now.

Current residence? Deck B, Enterprise

College attended, degree? Oxford (Bachelor's in Engineering), Royal Naval Academy

What kind of car do you drive? I had a Volvo, but I gave it to Madeline when she got her own flat.


Croutons or bacon bits? Neither. I don't like small hard bits in my salad. I don't like overly liquid tomatoes, either.

Coke or Pepsi? Neither. Too sweet.

Sprite or 7UP? See above.

Coffee or ice cream? What a strange question. They've nothing to do with one another.

Coffee, tea, or decaf? Tea, of course. Especially in the evenings.

Milk chocolate or dark? Dark, preferably bittersweet.

Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn? None of the above. Popcorn gets between my teeth. Quite exasperating.

Red or white wine? A very dry white. But I rarely indulge.

Gold or silver? Silver.

Two or four doors? Four. More exits.

Bridges or tunnels? Bridges. There are no additional exits from a tunnel.

Beach, city, or country? I've been to a number of marvelous cities, but I have a weak spot for the Cotswolds, so I suppose I shall have to say country.

Summer or winter? Autumn, actually.

Storms: Cool or scary? I love a good storm. Not being out in it, mind you.

Roller coaster: Scary or exciting? I wouldn't say "scary," but I don't enjoy them.

James Dean or Clark Gable? Gable

Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? Hepburn. She is the epitome of classic elegance.

Beatles or Stones? While I enjoy both, ultimately the Beatles are much more varied and complex. They have a greater range than the Rolling Stones. It's a shame their career didn't last as long.

Blanket or stuffed animal? For pity's sake, I don't need a comfort item to sleep.

One pillow or two? One

Adidas, Nike, or Reebok? I'll have to ask Hoshi if she recognizes these.

Mac, PC, or Unix? Unix holds a certain fascination simply because the code is so raw.


Salad dressing? Blue cheese.

Salad? Fresh garden with fennel.

Pizza topping? Erm. Pineapple.

Foods? Pineapple.

Sandwich filling? I'm not particular.

Dessert? Pineapple. I'm not particularly inventive, either. :)

Type of ice cream? I'm not particular.

Restaurant? Any good pub.

Fast food place? I don't really care for "fast food" as such, but if we must stop to eat, I'm not particular.

Drink, non-alcoholic? Mint tea.

Drink, alcoholic? I don't indulge often enough for a favorite.

Color of socks? Clean! What a ridiculous question.

Shampoo or conditioner? "Ocean Breeze" (don't tell Mister Tucker; I'll never live it down)

Toothpaste? I'm not particular.

Place to be kissed? Well, that's a bit personal, don't you think?

Holiday? Holidays tended to be stressful for Madeline and me. I'll admit I enjoyed celebrating Mister Tucker's version of "Ferragosto" last year -- I've never had lobster parmesan before.

Color? Blue.

Car? I'm not particular. I do prefer stick shift, however.

Day of the week? I haven't a favorite.

Band/Artist? Despite the seeming contradiction, I enjoy both the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. I've held a spot in my heart for Bob Dylan for quite some time. Elton John is a remarkable composer and player.

Book? The Art Of War, by Sun Tzu

Magazine? I don't have time to read them.

Movie? Something with lots of explosions. Failing that, anything with a ripping good plot.

TV show? Battle recreations on the History Channel.

TV character? Though I only saw two episodes out of curiosity, Sgt. Friday of "Dragnet" appeals to me.

Disney character? I didn't watch very many cartoons as a child.

Warner Bros. character? Foghorn Leghorn -- that was the rooster's name, wasn't it? He had the most ridiculously hyperbolic expressions. "As subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal."

Sesame Street character? Mister Hooper. He always seemed very kindly. I should have liked to visit his store.

James Bond? Sean Connery, of course. The original, classic Bond. Brilliant and debonair. Pierce Brosnan has the look, but not the gravitas.

Quote? "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -- U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt

Word or phrase? "We're fully armed and ready for anything."

Flower? White violets.

Sport to watch? I don't follow organized sports. But I've really come to detest water polo.

Zoo exhibit? I saw an eagle-owl in the Great Birds exhibit at the London Zoo -- what an incredible creature. Frightening and powerful and an extremely efficient predator.

Board game? Stratego, Risk

Town to chill in? Do you mean "relax in"? Madeline lives just outside North Allerton, so that's as good as any.

Perfume/Cologne? Anything not too heavy or sickly sweet. I don't use any myself.

Website? The Jupiter Station Weapons Development bulletin board.

Least favorite thing? Disappointing people. Being unable to protect my charges.

Least favorite subject? Home economics. If I need something sewn I'll find a tailor.


Been in love before? Yes.

Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes.

Dumper or dumpee? Dumper, regrettably. I recognize that I can't get very close to people, so I tend to end the relationship rather than lead someone on.

What inspires you? Watching Trip retain his sense of wonder about exploration despite the number of times he's been injured and nearly killed in said explorations. (But don't tell him! I wouldn't want to discourage the inclination by making him afraid of getting hurt.)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? A Commander, I should think! I hope to continue serving on Enterprise, preferably with Commander Tucker and Captain Archer. I wouldn't mind being married, but I'm not hopeful of it.

What do you look for in a partner? Tolerance, patience with my endless foibles and faults, sense of humor, intelligence, sense of responsibility and duty; a nice smile.

What did you want to be when you grew up? Once I realized I couldn't join the Royal Navy? The person who kept other people from being hurt. The protector. The vanguard.

What characteristics do you despise? Fundamentalist thinking. Bigotry. Homophobia. Cruelty. Insensitivity. Rigidity.

If you had a big win in the lottery, how long would you wait to contact people? I don't play the lottery; it's a tax on the mathematically stupid.

Where would you retire to? Provided I survive to that golden age, Jupiter Station.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime? No

Do you get along with your parents? We're civil. Actually we haven't exchanged letters in close to a year.

Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Are you daft?

Do you make fun of people? Apparently only when under the influence of judgment-impairing radiation.

Last person you went to dinner with? Mister Tucker and I found a lovely little place on the last planet we visited -- wonderful seafood, pasta, and fresh bread, or the local equivalent. He's a very good dinner companion. We never run out of things to talk about.

What did you do for your last birthday? Chef made me a "pineapple split." Mercifully, no one sang to me. Trip gave me some comic books and detailed instructions on how to read them properly -- something about under the covers with a flashlight. The captain gave me a hearty if awkward pat on the back.

Do you carry a donor card? Yes, considering my line of work.


Had the drink Calypso Breeze? I don't believe so.

Been to Europe? Multiple times.

Been to Africa? Yes

Been toilet-papering? How juvenile! No.

Been toilet-papered? No, thank goodness.

Been in a car crash? Yes, but no one was seriously injured.

Lucky Number? I haven't one.

Any superstitions? I check the armoury and weapons lockers each evening before retiring, but that's merely common sense.

When was your last hospital visit? Last week. Crewman Cutler isn't nearly as good a shot as she thinks she is. Fortunately, I was hardly singed, and back on duty shortly thereafter.

First thing you think of when you wake up? What's the ship's status?

What color is your bedroom's carpet? Starfleet industrial gray

What color is your bathroom? Starfleet white and chrome

What's on your mouse pad? The Enterprise symbol from our arm patches. Apparently, it's a Starfleet-issue pad.

What's under your bed? That's classified information.

How many times did you fail your permit and/or driver's license test? None.

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Sir Francis Drake.

What was the last film you saw at the movies? Whatever was showing at Movie Night... it was something with subtitles.

What was the last film you saw at home? I can't remember. I'm not going to get points off for that, am I?

What was the last book you read? Isaac Asimov's Foundation trilogy. Hoshi offered me One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, but I read it about a year ago.

What was the last CD you listened to? "The White Album." A classic.

What do you have for breakfast? Whatever is being served in the galley.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes. I didn't know that until just now. How peculiar.

Can you roll your tongue? Yes.

How many keys on your key ring? I don't have a key ring; everything on the ship is locked with access codes.

Where would you like to visit most? Vulcan. Perhaps the Subcommander might be able to suggest some specific places I might be allowed to see.

Hobbies? Honing my martial arts skills, philosophy discussions, antique weaponry, improving weapons efficiency.

Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? An antique weapons shop. :)

What do you do most often when you are bored? Target practice.

What words or phrases do you overuse? Now I'm going to be extremely self-conscious thinking about it; thank you ever so.

What words or phrases do your friends overuse? "I'll get back to ya." (But Commander, I need to know NOW!)

Friend who lives farthest away? All my friends are here on Enterprise.

Greatest pet peeve? Captain Archer's obsession with water polo. It used to be his loose command style, but I've become more accustomed to it.

Best thing in the world? When everyone who is important to me is safe.

When do you get up? 0600 hours.

Bedtime? Around 2300

Last new thing you bought for yourself? A little plant; it smells very citrusy. It freshens my quarters and can lift my mood rather remarkably.

Photo: Second season promo photo via Enterprise NX-01 RPG