Name as it appears on your birth certificate?
Malcolm Theiss Reed
Current name? See above
Nicknames? Mal (but only Mister Tucker is allowed
to call me that); other appellations I received in childhood
were more along the lines of epithets than nicknames.
Parents' names? Admiral Stuart Oliver Reed (Ret.),
Mary Whitsun Reed
Siblings? Younger sister Madeline Adele Reed
Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday
Date that you regularly blow them out? September
Pets? I had a Siamese cat, Rasha, when I was in
Eye color? Grey, although I'm told they change to
blue according to my mood. I've never bothered to look in
a mirror on such occasions.
Hair color? Dark brown
How much do you love your job? It's an astonishing,
humbling, exhilarating, terrifying joy and responsibility.
I don't suppose I could be more of two minds about it, could
Birthplace? Winston Churchill Memorial Hospital,
Hometown? Hard to answer, since we moved about so
much. I suppose Enterprise is my home now.
Current residence? Deck B, Enterprise
College attended, degree? Oxford (Bachelor's in
Engineering), Royal Naval Academy
What kind of car do you drive? I had a Volvo, but
I gave it to Madeline when she got her own flat.
Croutons or bacon bits? Neither. I don't like small
hard bits in my salad. I don't like overly liquid tomatoes,
Coke or Pepsi? Neither. Too sweet.
Sprite or 7UP? See above.
Coffee or ice cream? What a strange question. They've
nothing to do with one another.
Coffee, tea, or decaf? Tea, of course. Especially
in the evenings.
Milk chocolate or dark? Dark, preferably bittersweet.
Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn? None of the
above. Popcorn gets between my teeth. Quite exasperating.
Red or white wine? A very dry white. But I rarely
Gold or silver? Silver.
Two or four doors? Four. More exits.
Bridges or tunnels? Bridges. There are no additional
exits from a tunnel.
Beach, city, or country? I've been to a number of
marvelous cities, but I have a weak spot for the Cotswolds,
so I suppose I shall have to say country.
Summer or winter? Autumn, actually.
Storms: Cool or scary? I love a good storm. Not
being out in it, mind you.
Roller coaster: Scary or exciting? I wouldn't say
"scary," but I don't enjoy them.
James Dean or Clark Gable? Gable
Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? Hepburn. She is
the epitome of classic elegance.
Beatles or Stones? While I enjoy both, ultimately
the Beatles are much more varied and complex. They have a
greater range than the Rolling Stones. It's a shame their
career didn't last as long.
Blanket or stuffed animal? For pity's sake, I don't
need a comfort item to sleep.
One pillow or two? One
Adidas, Nike, or Reebok? I'll have to ask Hoshi
if she recognizes these.
Mac, PC, or Unix? Unix holds a certain fascination
simply because the code is so raw.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE...
Salad dressing? Blue cheese.
Salad? Fresh garden with fennel.
Pizza topping? Erm. Pineapple.
Sandwich filling? I'm not particular.
Dessert? Pineapple. I'm not particularly inventive,
Type of ice cream? I'm not particular.
Restaurant? Any good pub.
Fast food place? I don't really care for "fast
food" as such, but if we must stop to eat, I'm not particular.
Drink, non-alcoholic? Mint tea.
Drink, alcoholic? I don't indulge often enough for
Color of socks? Clean! What a ridiculous question.
Shampoo or conditioner? "Ocean Breeze"
(don't tell Mister Tucker; I'll never live it down)
Toothpaste? I'm not particular.
Place to be kissed? Well, that's a bit personal,
don't you think?
Holiday? Holidays tended to be stressful for Madeline
and me. I'll admit I enjoyed celebrating Mister Tucker's version
of "Ferragosto" last year -- I've never had lobster
Car? I'm not particular. I do prefer stick shift,
Day of the week? I haven't a favorite.
Band/Artist? Despite the seeming contradiction,
I enjoy both the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. I've held
a spot in my heart for Bob Dylan for quite some time. Elton
John is a remarkable composer and player.
Book? The Art Of War, by Sun Tzu
Magazine? I don't have time to read them.
Movie? Something with lots of explosions. Failing
that, anything with a ripping good plot.
TV show? Battle recreations on the History Channel.
TV character? Though I only saw two episodes out
of curiosity, Sgt. Friday of "Dragnet" appeals to
Disney character? I didn't watch very many cartoons
as a child.
Warner Bros. character? Foghorn Leghorn -- that
was the rooster's name, wasn't it? He had the most ridiculously
hyperbolic expressions. "As subtle as a hand grenade
in a barrel of oatmeal."
Sesame Street character? Mister Hooper. He always
seemed very kindly. I should have liked to visit his store.
James Bond? Sean Connery, of course. The original,
classic Bond. Brilliant and debonair. Pierce Brosnan has the
look, but not the gravitas.
Quote? "The only thing we have to fear is fear
itself." -- U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt
Word or phrase? "We're fully armed and ready
Flower? White violets.
Sport to watch? I don't follow organized sports.
But I've really come to detest water polo.
Zoo exhibit? I saw an eagle-owl in the Great Birds
exhibit at the London Zoo -- what an incredible creature.
Frightening and powerful and an extremely efficient predator.
Board game? Stratego, Risk
Town to chill in? Do you mean "relax in"?
Madeline lives just outside North Allerton, so that's as good
Perfume/Cologne? Anything not too heavy or sickly
sweet. I don't use any myself.
Website? The Jupiter Station Weapons Development
Least favorite thing? Disappointing people. Being
unable to protect my charges.
Least favorite subject? Home economics. If I need
something sewn I'll find a tailor.
RANDOM PERSONAL QUESTIONS
Been in love before? Yes.
Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes.
Dumper or dumpee? Dumper, regrettably. I recognize
that I can't get very close to people, so I tend to end the
relationship rather than lead someone on.
What inspires you? Watching Trip retain his sense
of wonder about exploration despite the number of times he's
been injured and nearly killed in said explorations. (But
don't tell him! I wouldn't want to discourage the inclination
by making him afraid of getting hurt.)
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? A Commander,
I should think! I hope to continue serving on Enterprise,
preferably with Commander Tucker and Captain Archer. I wouldn't
mind being married, but I'm not hopeful of it.
What do you look for in a partner? Tolerance, patience
with my endless foibles and faults, sense of humor, intelligence,
sense of responsibility and duty; a nice smile.
What did you want to be when you grew up? Once I
realized I couldn't join the Royal Navy? The person who kept
other people from being hurt. The protector. The vanguard.
What characteristics do you despise? Fundamentalist
thinking. Bigotry. Homophobia. Cruelty. Insensitivity. Rigidity.
If you had a big win in the lottery, how long would you
wait to contact people? I don't play the lottery; it's
a tax on the mathematically stupid.
Where would you retire to? Provided I survive to
that golden age, Jupiter Station.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? No
Do you get along with your parents? We're civil.
Actually we haven't exchanged letters in close to a year.
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Are you daft?
Do you make fun of people? Apparently only when
under the influence of judgment-impairing radiation.
Last person you went to dinner with? Mister Tucker
and I found a lovely little place on the last planet we visited
-- wonderful seafood, pasta, and fresh bread, or the local
equivalent. He's a very good dinner companion. We never run
out of things to talk about.
What did you do for your last birthday? Chef made
me a "pineapple split." Mercifully, no one sang
to me. Trip gave me some comic books and detailed instructions
on how to read them properly -- something about under the
covers with a flashlight. The captain gave me a hearty if
awkward pat on the back.
Do you carry a donor card? Yes, considering my line
Had the drink Calypso Breeze? I don't believe so.
Been to Europe? Multiple times.
Been to Africa? Yes
Been toilet-papering? How juvenile! No.
Been toilet-papered? No, thank goodness.
Been in a car crash? Yes, but no one was seriously
Lucky Number? I haven't one.
Any superstitions? I check the armoury and weapons
lockers each evening before retiring, but that's merely common
When was your last hospital visit? Last week. Crewman
Cutler isn't nearly as good a shot as she thinks she is. Fortunately,
I was hardly singed, and back on duty shortly thereafter.
First thing you think of when you wake up? What's
the ship's status?
What color is your bedroom's carpet? Starfleet industrial
What color is your bathroom? Starfleet white and
What's on your mouse pad? The Enterprise
symbol from our arm patches. Apparently, it's a Starfleet-issue
What's under your bed? That's classified information.
How many times did you fail your permit and/or driver's
license test? None.
If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would
it be? Sir Francis Drake.
What was the last film you saw at the movies? Whatever
was showing at Movie Night... it was something with subtitles.
What was the last film you saw at home? I can't
remember. I'm not going to get points off for that, am I?
What was the last book you read? Isaac Asimov's
Foundation trilogy. Hoshi offered me One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest, but I read it about a year ago.
What was the last CD you listened to? "The
White Album." A classic.
What do you have for breakfast? Whatever is being
served in the galley.
Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes. I
didn't know that until just now. How peculiar.
Can you roll your tongue? Yes.
How many keys on your key ring? I don't have a key
ring; everything on the ship is locked with access codes.
Where would you like to visit most? Vulcan. Perhaps
the Subcommander might be able to suggest some specific places
I might be allowed to see.
Hobbies? Honing my martial arts skills, philosophy
discussions, antique weaponry, improving weapons efficiency.
Which single store would you choose to max your credit
card? An antique weapons shop. :)
What do you do most often when you are bored? Target
What words or phrases do you overuse? Now I'm going
to be extremely self-conscious thinking about it; thank you
What words or phrases do your friends overuse? "I'll
get back to ya." (But Commander, I need to know NOW!)
Friend who lives farthest away? All my friends are
here on Enterprise.
Greatest pet peeve? Captain Archer's obsession with
water polo. It used to be his loose command style, but I've
become more accustomed to it.
Best thing in the world? When everyone who is important
to me is safe.
When do you get up? 0600 hours.
Bedtime? Around 2300
Last new thing you bought for yourself? A little
plant; it smells very citrusy. It freshens my quarters and
can lift my mood rather remarkably.