TripHammered
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Disclaimers

THE SHORT VERSION: Paramount owns Star Trek and everything to do with it. I make no money off this site; it's just for fun. For more details, read the long version. Live long and prosper.

 

What They Say Off-Camera

Trip: Just whack the side of the core a few times and that glitch'll smooth right out.

Rostov: No, Commander, you hit the impulse engines. With the warp core, you gotta pop the hatch and take out one of the flow regulators and shake it around some. Gets the clog out. Works every time.

Trip: T'Pol, for god's sake, would you go eat something already? In fact, have Chef make you up a bacon cheeseburger. And a bloomin' onion. And a side of lasagne. With a banana split for dessert. Please.

Malcolm: For an appetizer I'll have the Rocky Mountian Oysters, spicy. Then I'd like the Jack Daniels spareribs with horseradish, with cheese fries and okra for sides. And could you please bring me a fresh Sam Adams when you've a moment free?

Archer: You know, T'Pol, you're absolutely right. I was being an ass. Can you forgive me?

T'Pol: Actually, Captain, Vulcan had made very little advancement in {insert item here} until we met Terrans.

Phlox: Not tonight, my dears. I have to scrape my tongue clean.

Travis: {Doesn't say anything off-camera either.}

Hoshi: I have no !@&$*&#! idea what he just &*^#%&#ing said! He's got four@*&#&%$ing heads and he's green, fa crissake! Whaddya think I am, psychic or something?!

Porthos: Pushin' a rock, pushin' a rock, pushin' a rock, pushin' a rock....

Cutler: Hello, Security? I have a roach in my quarters. Could someone come up here to kill it?... Yes, but that's why I want you guys to come kill it. I know how disgusting they are.

Soval: I admit Mister Tucker does have a certain...charm.

Shran: I think I'm developing a taste for this pinkskin whisky. The hangovers aren't nearly as bad as they are after ale. I wonder if Archer would trade me a case.

Forrest: Would you just get over your pointy-eared self, Sov?

T'Pol: If that Orion shook me one more time, he was going to get a good swift kick in the Jolly Green Giant. (Tripsmyguy)

Malcolm: Who does he think he is? Superman? I should put some kryptonite in that bloody water polo ball of his. Jesus, I'm starting to sound like Trip! (Tripsmyguy)

Archer: This away mission sounds kinda dangerous. Malcolm, why don't you take it? (Tripsmyguy)

Phlox: Would it kill him to let me finish a sentence? (Tripsmyguy)

Porthos: I didn't like the looks of that guy in the kitchen last time. He didn't belong here… should 'a bit 'im. (Tripsmyguy)

Soval: "The chicken or the egg?" This question has puzzled your species for centuries? What a bunch of maroons! (Tripsmyguy)

Forrest: One of these days, Soval… bang, zoom, right in the kisser! (Tripsmyguy)

Shran: Any planet with a place called "Iceland" can't be all bad. (Tripsmyguy)

Silik: This get-up is bad enough, but thank Future Guy I don't have to wear Daniels's outfit! (Tripsmyguy)

Rostov: Who's this "Kelby" jerk? Never heard of him! I been bustin' my hump here for three years! And I'm a damn sight cuter too! (Tripsmyguy)

Trip: No, Jon, Ah don't want to borrow your waterpolo recordings. It's boring. Ah only watched because you wanted me to. (wychwood)

Phlox: Actually, Dr. Lucas, I must admit that I sometimes make up extravagant stories about my menagerie just to shock them. They believe anything I tell them! (wychwood)

Malcolm: Indeed, Captain, this mission is far too important to allow a preliminary security sweep. We wouldn't want to insult anyone, would we? You go first. Alone. I'll be along shortly. (Mereope)

Archer: Next time, for the first time, I'll be prepared for any alien with a hidden agenda. Next time, for the first time, I'll be prepared for any alien with a hidden agenda. Next time, for the first time.... (myst)

Risa: Now updated from "Harmless" to "Mostly Harmless." (The CURSOR)

Trip: So Ah taught her to read. Big deal. It's not like Ah brought my dog to piss on their Alvera trees or anything. (Tripper)

Malcolm: I'm telling you, he's never forgiven me for losing that communicator. That's why he's stabbing me in the back by bringing in this bunch of useless 20-year-old Rambo wannabes led by Major Pain. (Tripper)

Archer: Malcolm! Just let it go, will ya?! For the thousandth time, you can't go first. Do ya want me to look like a wimp or something? (Tripper)

Phlox: I try everything, I know better than to eat breadsticks with a knife and fork, and I can provide a wide variety of interesting dinner conversations. So how come I never get invited to dinner at the Captain's Table? (Tripper)
Archer: Because when you lick your lips, you also lick your nose, eyes, eyebrows, and the back of your neck. And sometimes you get my lips.

Porthos: Of course I knew those trees were sacred. Why do ya think I begged to go? Any man that expects me to go on newspaper for months at a time deserves to be humiliated. (Tripper)

Hoshi: Oh. My. God. I've been bored to tears on this bridge for four years thinking Travis had nothing to say, and all this time he's been trying to talk with me telepathically! Now that I figured out how to communicate with him, I can't shut the guy up. He's driving me crazy! (Tripper)
Travis: {big smile} (Tripper)
Malcolm: ~~~ Tell me about it! ~~~ (Archer4Trip)
T'Pol: My apologies, Ensign Sato. I thought everyone knew. He described his abilities in great detail on his application. (Tripper)

T'Pol: OOOOhhh Yeah! 'Bout time I let the girls out to breathe! Damn this catsuit -- bring me an old grey sweatshirt any day, and some PJ bottoms.
Hoshi: Uhhh, I know we're trying to "get closer," but you shouldn't "let the girls out" here in the gym. And especially not if you're gonna get on that spinny thing.
Malcolm: Oh, I don't know! Could be amusing!
Travis: I hope so!
All: Aaaaagh! When did YOU come in?!? (Archer4Trip)

Porthos: <piddle>
Archer: Aw God !#*@$&#@*^% Porthos! I just put this uniform ON for chrissakes! Couldn't you at least wait for a tree on the next planet?
Trip:
Whoa! Ah just got this flash of you with long dreads and tattoos.
Archer: Let's keep that to ourselves, okay? (Archer4Trip)

Archer: I had this whole speech prepared, but you know what? Let's just skip it. (DNash)

Malcolm: I'm happy to let the Captain go first. If he wants to be a walking target, who am I to argue? (DNash)

Archer: Okay, who left the "I brake for gazelles" sign on the back of my chair? (Tripsmyguy)