TripHammered
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THE SHORT VERSION: Paramount owns Star Trek and everything to do with it. I make no money off this site; it's just for fun. For more details, read the long version. Live long and prosper.

 
Why Did the Trek Chicken Cross the Road?

Kirk: Sometimes... you have to... break a few eggs... to make an... omelet... mister!

McCoy: He's crossed, Jim.

Spock: Why would a tamed orthonid traverse an asphalt conduit in such a manner?

Scotty: Ya cannae change the laws of chickens, Captain!

Uhura: Crossing circuits open, sir.

Sulu: Aha, Richelieu! You are chicken, and avoid my sword by crossing the road!

Chekov: Chickens vere inwented in Russia, Keptin.

Nurse Chapel: Can I make plomeek soup with that?

Yeoman Rand: To keep from getting her fanny slapped.

Lt Riley (singing): I'll take you across the street again, Kathleen...

Picard: Shut off that damned clucking!

Riker: Because I directed it to.

Data: Chicken? Ah, Sanders, Purdue, deep-frying, à la King...

Troi: I sense... jaywalking.

Worf: Because he has no honor.

LaForge: I can tell by its heat signature that it's about to lay eggs.

Crusher: Oh, who cares, Jean-Luc! Just kiss me!

Pulaski: Because it's a living, breathing creature and not some packet of circuits.

Wesley: I can program the chicken to save the ship!

Barclay: To... get to the other holodeck?

Guinan: Maybe it was...a deeper reason.

Q: You mortal fools! You have no idea why the chicken crossed the road, do you?

Sisko: To get away from my ratatoui.

Kira: As long as it stays out of Bajoran space!

Jadzia Dax: I think it's kind of cute.

Ezri Dax: Chicken? There was a chicken? Where?

Odo: That was me, Captain. I was experimenting again. Sorry.

O'Brien: As long as he knows how to realign an EPS manifold...

Bashir: That was my companion, Agent Cluck.

Quark: Now, if we could get that chicken to cross about the same time every day...

Rom: Uh, I like chickens!

Leeta: Oh, Rom!

Nog: Maybe I can trade it for some self-sealing stem bolts.

Jake: My new novel is called Chicken's Crossing.

Worf: I cannot get away from these chickens!

Martok: If it gets in my way, I'll crush it!

Dukat: Command is so lonely sometimes. Cross the road and keep me company.

Garak: Oh, you never know why such things happen, only that it's usually for a purpose.

Winn: I need a sacrifice to the Pagh Wraiths!

Wormhole Aliens: The chicken is corporeal. The chicken is linear. The chicken's task is at hand.

Janeway: If we can't come up with a peaceful, diplomatic answer... set self-destruct for ten minutes.

Chakotay: The chicken is an animal guide. It would offend it to ask why it does anything.

Tuvok: I shall investigate immediately, Captain. If I discover any security risk, I shall have the intruder thrown in the brig.

Paris, 1st season: Chick? There's a chick somewhere?

Paris, 5th season: It's part of my new 20th century holodeck program -- some old 4-bit 2D computer game called "Freeway."

Torres: If we reroute the plasma manifold through the EPS relays I bet we can get another 15% speed out of the chicken.

Kim, 1st season: To Cross The Road! Sir! I mean Ma'am! I mean Captain!

Kim, post-5th season: Hey... the chicken's not a lieutenant, is it?

Neelix: Just wait until you taste my Talaxian Chicken and Pleekta Rind Salsa Pudding!

Kes: [Can't say anything. Balls of incorporeal energy have no physical means of communication.]

Seven of Nine: Chicken. Species 047. Inferior strength, small cranial size, and poor coordination. They had no attributes to add to the perfection of the Collective. They were not assimilated. Its motion across the road is irrelevant.

Holodoc: I'm a doctor, not an animal psychologist. Medical data for non-sentient life-forms isn't in my programming.

The Delaney Sisters: Ooooh! Feathers for our new Twin Temptresses Of Evil outfits!

Lt. Carey: That chicken's been around more since the first season than I have!

Naomi Wildman: Mommy! It followed me home; can I keep it?

Seska: To make an alliance with the powerful Delta Quadrant natives on the other side, unlike you weak human fools.

Emck: Look, I'm sorry about what happened on this side of the road, but we have to put our toxic radioactive waste SOMEWHERE.

Dr. Chaotica: You foooooool! The chicken is only ONE PART of my GRRRRRAND SCHEME to take over the UUUUUUUNIverse!

Ayala: [Redshirt. Has no lines if he wants to survive.]

Archer: I bet it's on a mission of peaceful exploration, just like us. We're making history with every light-year! My father worked on these engines for...

T'Pol: I will consult the Vulcan database to see if there are records of previous crossings.

Trip: How the hell should I know what that chicken is up to?

Malcolm: Hull plating's polarized. Targeting scanners locked onto the chicken, sir.

Hoshi: Let me ask: Cluck-cluck cluck brawk cluckety squawk?

Travis: [When was the last time he had a line?]

Phlox: See if it left any feathers behind. The rachis is quite useful as a transfer medium for Borellian wheat slug saliva, which I use in my burn salve.

Porthos: Dinner!

Soval: Chickens are emotional creatures, slaves to their instincts. They obviously need superior Vulcan minds to guide them across the street.

Admiral Forrest: Jon, you've got to get out there and find out what that chicken is up to.

Shran: The Andorian Farming Commission runs from no one!

Co-writer: Captain John