TripHammered
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THE SHORT VERSION: Paramount owns Star Trek and everything to do with it. I make no money off this site; it's just for fun. For more details, read the long version. Live long and prosper.

 
Your Mama Wears MACO Boots!

You've heard the taunt "Your mama wears Army boots"? It's from an old street tradition called "doin' the dozens," a ritual of trading elaborate insults among friends about a person or his/her relatives (usually mother). So here's doin' the dozens, Trek-style. Suggestions welcome and will be credited, but keep it PG-13 or less. Open to all Trek series.

 

Your mama wears MACO boots.

Your mama is so ugly, the Ferengi told her to get dressed.

Your mama is so fat she's got her own gravitational pull.

Your mama is so ugly even Kirk wouldn't {ahem}.

Your mama is such a bad cook, Janeway begged for the return of Leola Root Casserole Surprise Night.

Your mama is so fat she accidentally got a shuttlepod caught in her teeth.

Your mama is so ugly, every time she walks by LaForge his VISOR shorts out.

Your mama is so annoying, Wesley told her to shut up.

Your mama is so ugly, a Vulcan in the plak tow would rather resolve his pon farr with the business end of a lirpa.

Your mama is so dumb she tried to open the main viewscreen to "get some fresh air in here."

Your mama is so ugly the Orion slavers gave her back.

Your mama is so hairy, the tribbles thought she was their queen.

Your mama is so dumb she brought a Scrabble set to her first spacewalk because the instructor said there'd be zero Gs.

Your mama is so ugly even the Vidiians have to beer-goggle first.

Your mama is so boring Admiral Forrest sent Archer an official apology for chewing him out about the Gazelle Speech.

Your mama is so dumb she failed Pakled high school.

Your mama is so fat even Troi could land a starship on her ass.

Your mama is so ugly the transporter objected to reassembling her. Your mama is so ugly the captain actually considered the transporter's argument.

Your mama is so fat, the last time she tried to play basketball Astrometrics thought she'd finally acquired a moon.

Your mama is so dumb the Borg refused to assimilate her.

Your mama is so ugly, she broke the Mirror Universe.

Your mama is so fat, they almost took her back to talk to the probe instead of George and Gracie.

Your mama is so dumb she tried to put the Bynars in numerical order.

Your mama is so fat the turbolift can only take her down.

Your mama is so ugly the holodeck refused to make a simulation of her.

Your mama is so fat Garak has to take her dress measurements in lightyears.

Your mama is so dumb she thought the Pyrithian bat was a new piece of baseball equipment.

Your mama is so fat she's not allowed to have quarters along the outer hull because every time the ship made a turn the gravimetric shear would rip off the saucer section.

Your mama is so ugly she could scare the forehead ridges off a Klingon.

Your mama is so fat, if she skips down the corridor the structural integrity of the deck falls to 47%.

Your mama stinks so bad, every time she walks into the Cargo Bay she sets off the smoke detectors.

Your mama is so fat she has to wake up one deck at a time.

Your mama is so ugly she looks like she went bobbing for apples in the warp plasma.

Your mama is so fat, when she goes to Risa nobody else gets any sun.

Your mama is so boring, when she got to Risa, all she wanted to do was play Uno.

Your mama is so ugly Crusher finally gave up and diagnosed her with "What the Hell is That?! Face."

Your mama is so fat, they had to grease the sides of the wormhole to get her through.

Your mama stinks so bad Odo morphed off his nose.

Your mama is so fat her shuttle crashed before Chakotay even got into it.

Your mama is so annoying Zeke said "You know, maybe five minutes is too much. Can we cut it down to like two and a half?"