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Get Me Rewrite: The Script Doctors, Voyager

Tuvok and Neelix


Neelix:
Have you been to see the fortune-teller yet, Tuvok?
Tuvok: The Vulcan Science Directorate has concluded that predicting the future is impossible.
Neelix: Well, she told me that someday we'd end up joined together -- intimately. She said we'd be "closer than brothers."
Tuvok: That is one of the least likely statements I have ever heard.
Neelix: Miss Dixon seemed quite certain.
(evay)


Tuvok: Then we are agreed.
Neelix: Yes. Five paces, turn, and -- en garde!
Tuvok: When we have completed this -- duel, if I should win, you will cease to ask me if you may join Security?
Neelix: You have my word of honor, Mister Tuvok. But I warn you, I'm an expert jouster.
Tuvok: I will take that into consideration.
(evay)


Neelix: I'm surprised you've continued to play pool with me all night, Mister Vulcan.
Tuvok: That is only because the cue stick will not fit laterally inside your rectum.
(evay)


Neelix: Sorry about that, Tuvok.
Tuvok: Please be more careful with your cue stick in the future. Mister Neelix. You might cause someone to suffer a serious injury.
Neelix: On the other hand, with that little blue chalk dot in the center of your forehead, you look -- almost cute!
Tuvok: Or I might cause someone to suffer a serious injury.
(evay)


Neelix: Bring it on, Mr. Vulcan.
Tuvok: We have a saying: "Your gluteus maximus is sand."
Neelix: There seems to be something... missing from that proverb.
Tuvok: The metaphor indicates that the recipient will be bogged down by the heaviness of his or her musculature turning into dead weight, and thus will be unable to respond quickly to my challenge.
Neelix: I was going to say "grass," but "a point" works just as well.
(taynaron and evay)


Due to UPN's cost-cutting and demographic-shifting, the viewers are presented with "Star Trek: The Reality Show." This week: intergalactic pool.
(taynaron)


In a bizarre turn of events, Neelix battles Tuvok in the revered "Koon-ut-kal-if-fee" in Voyager's sacred battleground: Sandrine's.
(taynaron, who wins today's LOL Award)


The latest bit of UPN merchandise: Lifelike stick figures.
(Robert "the PUNisher" Mueller, who wins today's "Made evay Laugh So Loud She Startled The Cats" Award)


On the left we have Mr. Tuvok modeling the current standard Starfleet security uniform, and on the right is Neelix modeling the direct descendant of the fashion line of a one Charles Tucker III.
(Hildwyn)


evay and Moogie's Halloween Costumes.
(Tripper)


{vaguely adult comment about grown men glaring at each other while holding long phallic-looking objects}
(taynaron)


Trip: Overall it's not too shabby. They'll never guess it's you.
Malcolm: You don't think the polka dots are too much?
Trip: Well, yeah. But it's too late now. The Halloween party starts in ten minutes.
Malcolm: Which prize do you think we'll win for our costumes? "Oddest-Looking Twosome?"
Trip: You're forgetting that Phlox is the judge. My money's on "Best-Looking Couple."
(Tripper)


The Script Doctors

The Script Doctors part 1

The Script Doctors part 2

The Script Doctors part 3

Every Picture Tells A Story

The Script Doctors, Classic Trek

The Script Doctors, Battlestar Galactica 2K

Photo: StarTrek.com