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Apparently straight women and bi/gay men, 18-54, are a really desirable demographic for ENT, because Trip's in his regulation tighty-bluesies again. A foursome of Ferengi -- what is the proper collective noun, anyway? A wallet of Ferengi? An ingot of Ferengi? A 3/1 ARM of Ferengi? -- have gassed the entire crew, and they're busy looting the place. Trip's the only conscious one, having been stuck in Decon when the gas was released, and after like an hour he's getting exasperated. He comms Phlox to complain that Buffy is on at eight and could he be released already please, but gets no response. The hell with that, he figures, and jimmies the lock.

Once out in the open, however, he notices the mass napping going on. After tapping the back of his hand three times and peeking out a window to make sure they're not in orbit around the planet full of hostile sleeping aliens, he skitters over to Sickbay and hides in the rafters. Ferengi are poking around, stealing equipment and sticking their fingers into the Pyrithian bat's cage. (She hates that.) Trip doesn't know who the guys with the big ears are, but anyone who licks a scalpel is someone to be wary of.

BridgeTV shows that the senior staff is being mugged of everything but their clothes; we even get to see the guy stealing the captain's chair. Trip also watches as they steal the captain. Neelix, Jeffrey Combs, Clint Howard, and Guest Star Nobody Ever Heard Of (I couldn't remember any of the character names, and not only were the actors really identifiable but three of them have been on Trek before) drag Archer into the cargo bay and anti-gas him.

After much silly back-and-forth and gratuitous Archer-bashing, they set the captain to work carrying his own stuff into the Ferengi ship. Trip catches up with him between UPS runs. He tries to jimmy the cuffs too, but to no avail. They plot briefly, and Trip goes off to anti-gas T'Pol -- and immediately has to defend his honor and deshabille from The Arched Eyebrow of Contempt. Trip and T'Pol go their separate ways to set up Archer's plan to get the ship back. Our boy finally finds a haberdashery locker and gets a jumpsuit and some boots. Ratings after the commercial break sink a few points.

Back in the cargo bay, an incredibly mean sadistic Ferengi puts Porthos into a cargo container. Trip tries to distract the SOB long enough to break Porthos out, but the jerk gives chase. Trip gets his hand singed by Clint's phaser as he tries to open the cargo bay door, but he's used to that -- it doesn't even slow him down.

They wrassle in the Mess Hall, where Trip bites Clint's skanky ear (the Ferengi equivalent of a knee to the family jewels), knocks him out with one solid punch, and steals back the phaser. He shoulda kicked the scumbag a few times too, just on principle, but I digress.

Trip heads for the hallway but gets stopped by Neelix. Without the Talaxian contacts, he's a better marksman, and he shoots the phaser out of Trip's hand -- the same one Clint nailed a few minutes ago. (Trinneer is really good at the greenscreen weapons-fire reaction shots.)

Neelix also has one of those floppy lightsaber weapons which were supposed to make the Ferengi scary before TPTB realized the race's comic potential, and whips our boy into the carpet. Talk about rug burns.

Trip is taken to where Archer is working in the Ferengi cargo hold, and the two hoo-mans start the next part of the plan, which is: catfight! No really. It was practically hair-pulling and bitch-slapping. Whatever the reason, eventually Trip gets the Ferengi to follow him out of their ship and into the bowels of Enterprise, where he leads them in circles for a while (gotta keep in shape for the next tighty-bluesies episode) until they come to the ambush which Archer had Trip create. Set your entry grid, neutralize your field and the light is green, the trap is clean. And Porthos is released safely.

Photos: Soraya via,