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THE SHORT VERSION: Paramount owns
Star Trek and everything to do with it. I make no money off
this site; it's just for fun. For more details, read the long
version. Live long and prosper.
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Trip's debut this week looks like something
out of Ben-Hur
-- sitting on a bench shackled at the wrists, one of a dozen
assorted motley aliens from Coruscant Central Casting. He's
been whacked around off-screen, since he's already sporting
artful dirt, a pretty shiner, a fat lip, and some bright red
welts. He and Cap'n anxiously mutter to each other about getting
out of this mess before their pleather jackets get any more
ripped.
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Food comes around. (For those of you playing
the home game -- drink!) Typical prison slop, apparently.
Trip, accustomed to Chef's considerably better fare, feebly
jokes about a menu. When the big ugly Nausicaan behind him
demands Trip's lunch, he tells the guy to sod off. Big Ugly
leaps up -- to strangle Trip, to steal his bowl, to dance
the YMCA,
who knows -- and the guard activates the Electric Fence handcuffs.
Big Ugly goes down howling.
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Our Southern gentleman thanks the guard for
getting Big Ugly off his back. The guard is apparently from
de Sade County, because he zaps Trip as well. Trip jerks and
grunts and drops his lunch. Double whammy -- not only is he
in pain, he's still hungry.
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The guy chained up next to Trip looks like a
cross between Clem
(the friendly goofball demon from Buffy) and a turkey
via the spider Barclay morphed
back to, with some Talaxian thrown in for good measure.
Unfortunately he has none of Neelix's charm, insight, cleverness,
or courage, and twice his annoying persistence and insane
bubbliness. He proceeds to chatter Trip's ear off. Trip is
a very very very patient man. Very patient. But Clem has large
lungs.
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The bad guys stage a revolt and the Enolian
one takes the bridge. Archer weasels his way along by boasting
about his piloting skills, which are so remarkable that he
doesn't even need a helmsman to fly his ship -- he just props
up a dummy at the helm and flies Enterprise by telepathy.
When Archer leaves, Clem takes advantage of the lull to yammer
about facial surgery, island natives, and his limp. Trip's
gentlemanliness is stretched to excruciating limits, but he
tries not to be rude.
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After a bit, Archer is able to talk the Enolian
bad guy into letting him release Trip for a few minutes to
do some engineering work. Our boy mucks about in high-voltage
wiring, risking life and limb, although when he's rechained
to Clem's bench to listen to the joys of eating live Melvaren
mud fleas, he looks like he wishes he actually had
electrocuted himself.
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Trip finally loses it and begs Clem to shut
up for just ten minutes. Clem sulks and whines about wanting
a little pleasant conversation before ten years in the hole,
and starts stroking his wattle flaps. (That was positively
the creepiest thing I've seen since Feezie's smile.)
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To make up for that icky visual, however, Trip
rolls his eyes in an exquisite, Emmy-worthy expression of
exasperation and guilt. He grudges out an apology. Clem's
not interested.
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Archer intervenes again, surreptitiously asking
for Trip's help in retaking the ship. Trip ushers Big Ugly
Nausicaan to the Land of Nod. He grabs a phaser rifle (Mal
cheers wildly from the bleachers) and prepares to stun the
bad guy when he storms from the cockpit. Clem is obviously
suffering from schizophrenic rectilitis, because he shouts
a warning to the bad guy that Trip is about to shoot him.
A firefight ensues, and Trip takes a phaser nap.
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Reshackled, Trip gradually awakens with a sloooooooooooooow
head roll. Clem insists he was doing the right thing. If looks
could vaporize, Clem would be a puddle with wattles and Trinneer
would have that Emmy.
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Archer has managed to contact Enterprise,
and Mal (with Silent Trav, remarkably, and a redshirt who
gets stunned, unremarkably) barrels in to the rescue. More
shooting. Trip ducks frantically to make sure he doesn't get
his hair phasered off, or his pleather singed. When Archer
gets the upper hand, he tosses the restraint releases to Mal,
who solicitously releases Trip first. Trip yanks Clem's wattles
once just on principle, but then frees him.
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